The Great EsCape!

So it looks like I might have a new venture here starting out soon. I have made capes for my boy's and my nephews over the last few years and I absolutely love doing it. It is so much fun to create something that just brings the personality of your child to life. Well, my friend Anna has been asking me for a while to make some for her boy's and finally I agreed to after a little bribery... they took us out to dinner with our Sunday School class and she bought the supplies. Well, her and her big mouth (said with love there) has mentioned it to people and they thought it was a very cool idea and now she has people asking how much I would charge for them. So... here is a sample of three of them. I did not think ahead enough to iron them out really good before the pictures. Calvin's is a "C" with Organdy ribbon at the bottom. They are all made with silky material and felt for the accessories, and binding tape for the ties. Max's is an "M" that is holding barbells up because he is frequently called "Mighty Max" in our house. Gideon's is just a "G" with a lightning bolt through it because he likes to run really fast. I think they are a lot of fun like I said and I think Anna's middle son's, Charles, is going to be my favorite one so far! Anyway, just thought you might like a peek at them!

So I survived my insane weekend. I think it officially came off as my worst weekend I can remember in a very long time. By Saturday's end my sister had been in the ER for bleeding from her stoma for two nights, my aunt had died and we had her funeral on Saturday, and I lost my job because the Bookstore officially closed, that was the last day. All told I should have been really down in the dumps and ready to just crawl in a hole for a week or two but I actually slept so hard Saturday night... 9 hours... the longest I have slept since getting the news that the store was closing on December 19th. Aaron took the kids to church on Sunday and I did not get up until he came home by himself at 11:15. We had collected money to give to our boss for a gift card to Hy-Vee or something. I was going to be happy if we could collect $200... we ended up with $500! I was ecstatic! We split it in two and got a Wal-Mart card and a Hy-Vee card for them. Practical yes, but I think they were good ideas.

Can I just say I really don't like Monday's. See that sweet little girl with her kitten up there? Yeah, well after a whole day at school, Monday afternoon's are rough. We go round and round about her attitude. She gave me so much grief today about doing her homework that we did not have a "pretty moment" so to speak. Anna was on the phone with me at the time and she could not believe what she was hearing. One swift wooden spoon and some time in the room later and she came out like the child in the picture you see above. What a goober! Her and Max both really push me to the limits of my parenting skills. I worked hard at working with both of them and having some give and take but they do not play that way. It turns to all take so we have gone to just ignoring the fits, not giving options and things are going quite a bit smoother. It is amazing how fast a cranky child will get their coat on and get in the car when they hear the garage door open and the van start. It definitely gets them moving!

Ah well... I am in the middle of making a turkey dinner so I best get back to check on my mashed potatoes. Have a great day!

"There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven..." (Ecclesiastes 3:1) I was working on a Bible Study that I have to prepare for Sunday night over Maintaining and Balancing Priorities in our lives. What a horrific subject to tackle of all the weeks to have to tackle it. My priorities while important and well placed this week are not what they are during what I would consider a "normal" week. The thought of telling other people how that they need to work on balance in their lives is just laughable to me right now. But... I know God put me in this place right now for a reason, definitely not to tell others how to do things but maybe so I can learn something from others because I quickly realized that all the questions I was to ask as the leader were void of answers for me!

One thing that struck me quick to the heart though was when the author said this, "Therefore, although we cannot know God's eternal plan, the future, or exactly what God is doing in the present, we can discover to some extent what "time" it now is and respond accordingly. Because God has made a time for everything, we should examine each situation to discover what time it represents in God's plan. Then, when we discern what's suitable for that moment, we should do what is right for the time."

I was near panic attack stage last week thinking about what it is that God wanted me to do next. I kept thinking I have 15 days to get another job... I have 14 days to get another job... I have 13 days to get another job... and so on and so forth. I was absolutely panicking and not sleeping come Saturday night/Sunday afternoon. I talked over with my best friend Anna for an hour and we talked through alot of what I was thinking. I decided with no clear cut direction from God and nothing just really grabbing and exciting me like I wanted it to that I was going to just take some time off from the work force and enjoy this last year or two with Max before he goes off to school. It is a huge decision, one that I still question at times. Will we be all right without the extra income? It feels like we are constantly falling half a step behind every month, will God bless this decision for us? We are taking a leap in faith and trusting God. Right now in this time, it is what is suitable for us. Does this mean I will never work again? Not necessarily... does this mean that the day Max starts Kindergarten I will start a full time job? Not necessarily, but for right now, this is what God is calling me to do in this season.

I am so tired, so worn out but I so desire to be there for Dave to finish out strong. I put in 34 hours this week. I have not worked that many hours in a week for 9 years and a lot has changed because last time I worked that many hours I had a lot less responsibility at home. I may be a wuss or something but I am not cut out for working full time and taking care of my family, it is just not something I can physically nor mentally do right now. I am so glad God is not asking me to do it.

So with one week left I am working my little fingers hard. My fingernails feel like they are going to fall right off from constant peeling of PSL's over the last week. If I never see another PSL again, it will be too soon! I have done about 48 pages this week which does not feel like very many but I guess it IS over 10% of the returns. I just see what others are able to accomplish and feel like I should be able to push myself even harder. I guess I am too competitive for my own good!

Well, I am off to bed, I have to be at church early and then I want to put in about 4 hours at work before I head back to church to lead Bible Study. Have a great Sunday all!

Why does it seem that time slips away from you so fast that before you know it your days have slipped into weeks, your weeks into months and before you know it 10 years has passed. I have that feeling like when you are riding in a car as a kid (before all the seat belt laws that is) and you turn around with your knees in the seat to watch what is behind you. As you turn back around to face the front and see what is coming you get nauseated as your eyes try to keep track of what is coming and going all in one fell swoop. I am in that nauseating swoop right now trying to watch with fond rememberance of the things that were and still trying to keep an eye out on what is ahead putting the here and now in a dizzying state of affairs.

Today is feeling a better day... some of the bitterness is starting to wear thin. Kind of like the sun finally coming out and shining on the driveway. It is still icy and cold but you can see warm spots where the solid ground is showing through. I think having sunshine has helped to get me out of my funk and while there will always be things I wish were done different and things that I definitely think were handled in the wrong way, I will be fine. I will move on, I will still be sad to leave this odd family of mine that has changed and grown over the years but God has a plan.

It is going to take some time though. I don't want to rush to a new venture any time soon. I want to be sure that what it is that God has planned for me and my family is His will and not some idea that just popped into my head. I feel nudgings toward pursuing something but I do not know if that will be where he leads me. I have thought about looking into at-home medical transcription. I have a small background in the medical field. I have taken one class on medical terminology which would help me out. I have decent typing skills, it is kind of a set your own hours deal in which I could work anywhere. My sister-in-law has been doing it for a year and a half now and seems to be happy with her results. She is going to send me the contract to look over and I imagine we will talk things over during Christmas. She seemed to be encouraging about the venture. I will give it some time though and see where God leads me on it still.

God is good, God is faithful and His love endures forever...

I heard this song on Thursday and the words struck me in a whole other way then every other time I have heard this song. It is by Donna Summer and I got the lyrics off of www.songlyrics.com and just seems fitting for this moment in time...

I am waiting in a silent prayer
I am frightened by the load i bear
In a world as cold as stone
Must i walk this path alone
Be with me now
Be with me now

Breath of heaven
Hold me together
Be forever near me
Breath of heaven
Breath of heaven
Lighten my darkness
Pour over me your holiness
For your are holy
Breath of heaven

I have been thinking lately too... the last few years my husband has been on the school board of our small Christian school that is associated with our church as the secretary. Things have happened and after 30+ years they asked the headmaster to step down due. It was a very hard decision for the board and not all of the board was united in it. There has been mess from the fall-out of it and where the board had hoped some people would take the high road there has instead been things slung and things said that should not have been on the part of the offended and the offended's family. We did not understand why we were experiencing what we were not just as a family but in general. We did not understand why people who were life-long followers of Christ would respond in the way that they did and not try to take the high road in an increasingly difficult situation.

It has been watching that experience that has helped me process things. I know that the people directly above my boss are not "out to get us" I know that one in particular I would assume would have the employee's best interest at heart. I know that it is a business and that part of business is having to make cuts when necessary. Come on, my husband worked for Sprint for years, if we don't know about lay-off's then I will never learn about them, they are king of lay-off's here in town. I get all that... what I don't understand is what is perceived by me as deception. I would be curious to the higher-up's stand on things because I know because of the school there are always two sides of every story. I have also watched like I said things be said and people hurt by those things, that is a huge lesson to me in watching what I say. Am I perfect at this, no, I slip sometimes and lash out like I shouldn't and I apologize, but in general I have held my tongue in amazing fashion, especially when around customers or others. Just know that God is doing a work in me and I will come out the better for it eventhough once again the lessons He wants to teach are not necessarily lessons I would choose to learn.

The kids said something cute the other day... When our power went out during the storm last week we heard this loud BOOM! I went outside but could not see anything so my best friend Anna who was over (because they were without power also) said, "It must have been a transformer that blew." The kids got all kinds of worked up, Abby said, "I am scared!" Calvin and Gideon were both asking, "Is it out front? Is it in the back? Did you see him Mommy??" It was then I realized that they thought there was a huge robot on our street... oops! I told them, there are no robots, it was an electric transformer. That settled them down some but it sure did lighten the mood... no pun intended!

So last night I found out that the Bookstore where I work is closing down for good. It will not be moving like they led us to believe a few weeks ago. This is the store I have worked at since two months after I turned 16... I am 29 now, do the math. It is where I met Aaron at. It is where I worked with my best friend during high school and college, and made close friends with, little brother's and sister's that I did not have in real life and older brother's while in high school that I always wanted to have. I worked at this store while Aaron and I were engaged and while I was a newlywed. I worked there while I was pregnant with Abby and Calvin... took a few years off to have the other two but went back before Max turned a year old. I went in to work one night and got called that my daughter was being sent to the ER with RSV and my boss turned to me and told me to just leave, go home, now, he would get everything squared away. She was in the hospital for four days but I will never forget the relief of being able to just grab everything and run without any pressure. This is where I met customers that have impacted me with their stories and who I will likely never see again or be a part of their lives. I will miss it terribly, it has been such a huge part of who I am. I have worked there for almost half of my life. Yes, this is what I was/am angry about from yesterday. There is still much I am working through and if I am quiet on the subject, well that is only because I am attempting to take the high road and sometimes to do that we just need to buy a butt-load of duck tape and wrap half the roll around our mouths... or so it seems. My boss put it well, this was an assignment from God, we have done our jobs, it is time to find a new assignment from Him. We will be fine money wise. It was play money basically. I told my friend Anna... now I will have time to do stuff, but just not the money to do any of it LOL! Isn't that what it always comes down to though... time and or money. So, in case you were wondering, that is what is going on. I don't really feel like talking about it a whole lot. God is going to do a good work in me but it will be all Him which means very little of my mouth. I just pray I can finish out my job with an attitude that would make Him proud of me in all that I do and that is increasingly hard to do as I put together pieces of what has been culminating. It will be a long journey but God is good... all the time... all the time... God is good!